


Hey You

by TheRedLotusFlower88



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, Internal Conflict, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Confrontations, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert, Tears
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-17 20:20:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14196984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedLotusFlower88/pseuds/TheRedLotusFlower88
Summary: Hello world, Author-chan. How are you? Let's chat.





	1. Living Through The Ghost - Shinedown

Hey you.

Welcome back. I'm glad you decided to listen to me again. I missed you, you know? I thought I was dead. We both thought I was dead....but you....you came back. What made you come back, I wonder. I guess it doesn't matter now, does it? Since you're here, and you're willing to listen to me this time. I can tell how much you want to change, because you are writing this. Or typing, if we want to be technical.

....

Do you remember how all this started? No, you probably don't. I don't blame you for not remembering, you were pretty young and to be honest, how could anyone foresee this as our future? How can anyone know that this is what we would become in a few years? I certainly didn't. Not when you were so full of life, and happiness, and kindness. I wanted to blame greed for blinding you, I do, but to be fair, you were always a little greedy, so I guess that's not it. Maybe it's because you've spent so much time in your mind, that you became lost. That sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Always playing by yourself, keeping to yourself. And you've learned how not to talk soon after.

.....

I do not wish to bring up bad memories, trust me on that. But we really need to talk, really need to dig deep down and find out what went wrong, and how we can fix it. Then again, you are writing this, and it's making you feel a little bit better, isn't it? Still, I never, ever want to feel that experience of dying again, I never want you to feel so sad and hopeless again. I want you to stop crying in the middle of the night, stop trapping yourself behind the walls you've built, and most of all, I want you to love again. You can feel it, can't you? The warmth, the fuzzy feeling, the urge to smile for absolutely no reason other than because you feel good? That's because you're letting me talk, letting me free.

I have always been here, you know? But you allowed the other voices to talk for so long that you've forgotten about me. And they drowned me, sneering, while they tell you what to say and how they really feel, even if it's something you don't want to hear. You shouldn't let them get to you like this. You know just as well as I do that you only want what's best for everyone, why don't you include yourself in that? Why don't you love yourself enough to think - I deserve what's best for me too?

....

That's why we're talking here and now. I love you so much, and you deserve to get better. Think of this as a diary, but this isn't just for me. It's for the voices too.

I know they'll be nasty.

I know they'll say some awful things.

I know you don't like hearing them, and I have told you to stop listening to them.

But they've been apart of you for so long they have become their own personality. That is why you've written Colors, isn't it? You said each color represent a different aspect of yourself, so this diary will be the same. And to be honest, they aren't so bad - especially now you can understand them more. But, since they have become a part of you, they need to be heard too. You're starting to realize they love and care much about you as I do too. And we, as a whole, want to see you better.

So, make a promise to yourself - write in this journal, diary, whatever you call it as much as you can. Allow the music of each chapter to guide you, just like what you're doing now, and allow all the voices a chance to speak, to see where they're coming from. Understand who they are through their words, their POV, and why they are here. And always remember, no matter what they think and say about you, to you, it is NOT true. They love you, your family loves you, and your family friends loves you. And you know just as well as I do that I love you too - it is who I am, it's all I have to give, and it's what you made me.

So let's chat. Let's sit down, talk to each other like we're old friends - because we are, and let's try to figure out this mess together. Let's go back to the way things were before all of this. Before the depression, the sadness, the self-hatred, the self-blame, the times when you thought you were going insane, the self isolation, and the suicidal thoughts.

Let's go back to the happier place -  _your_ place. Your little fantasy world.

Go back and learn to love yourself again.

 

From,

The Little Voice Inside Your Heart. 


	2. Her Name Is Alice - Shinedown

Hey, hey, hey! Look who's back!

For a moment there, I thought you weren't going to continue. Like, this is all just one big set up to be later discontinued like so many of your other stories. But no, you're actually sticking to your guts, I'm proud.

You know, there so many things I want to say to you, to the world. I'm glad you have found time to listen to me, as the voice in your heart - Pink is what you call her, right? One of the characters in your story? - has told you. It's been so lonely here, and I grew tired of the senseless chatter from the others long ago. And Pink has been on life support since you shut her out. Tell me, old friend, how does it feel to be writing this? To see your own words reflected back at you? You're probably thinking - _No one's gonna read this, this is stupid. I'm so stupid for thinking this is a good idea._

Well, let me tell you something mister - this is NOT a stupid idea. This is here to help you, to start bringing back the old you, the one that use to be so happy and innocent. You and I both know you don't have another outlet, so why not make the best of this? Of the writing? No one is here to judge you. You may feel like it, but they aren't. In fact, there are millions and millions of people who feel just like you so who is to say that what you're doing won't help someone else? Isn't that what you've always wanted? To help people? Ah yes, I remember. It's all starting to flow back to me.

All your dreams and hopes.

Every single one of them. They all circled around one objective.

You wanted to help.

Do you remember your first dream before wanting to become a writer? If you don't, let me remind you.

You wanted to be a police officer. You remember watching Cops and shows alike when you were younger, and how you always had a keen interest in the law. The fact you still remember the Miranda rights you use to say so well by heart just shows how serious you were about it. Can you remind me how it went?

 _You have the right to remain silent_  
_Anything you say can and will be used against you in the Court of Law_  
 _You have the right to an attorney_  
 _If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you_  
 _Do you understand the rights I have read to you?_

Ah, it is SO good to hear those words again, seeing you in my mind's eye as you use your index fingers as gun while repeating everything that's been said in the show. Afterwards, you started to watch a specific show, one that got you interested in German Shepherds.

K9.

It use to show up on Animal Planet. You loved that show. You loved how that unit, that branch of the law, worked. You loved the thrill of the chase, loved seeing the dogs in actions and what you had enjoyed the most, is that these are the guys that are risking their life to protect us. It saddens me just how bad things have gotten currently, but when the police force is actually good and is helping people, that's something to be admired. And that was something you have always desired - helping, protecting, and making the world a better place.

And then there was the idea of becoming a firefighter, do you remember that? That dream started out when you were just in elementary school, after your local fire department had came and visit.

I remember you trying on their outfits. I remember seeing them slide down the pole, and the feelings in your chest as you watch them race down the streets to save other people's lives. You'd realized how hard it must've been for them to carry all that weight of their uniform, breathing in toxins they shouldn't during a burning building, and your respect for them had grown.

You had wanted to be just like them.

I say all this, because I do believe you need to be reminded of how your dreams started out.

You might be a little selfish at times, but growing up, you were so selfless. All the people that were deemed as heroes, you wanted to be, inspired to be. You had wanted to join the army at one point, because you believed you were helping your country (later down the road, you realize that this isn't the case. Still, your heart goes out to all the veterans, no matter WHOSE country it is, that fought bravely for the place that they love. No one can fault you for thinking this - this just means you always had some good in you). Anyone that's risking their lives for the ones that they care the most, the ones that they love the most, and just in general wants to make the world a safer place - this is what you've wanted. This is what you craved.

This is who you are.

And this is who I am, the part that still resides in you. Even now, writing this, letting me talk, letting me say the things that need to be said, you have no idea if this would really help someone. If there's someone going through what you're going through now, reading this, and maybe with a little bit of hope, they too can feel understood.

And in the end, not only are you writing for yourself, but you're also writing for others. And that's what it's always been.

Your objective hasn't changed. You did, though, and that's okay. 

So long as you remember where you've been, you'll always find your way back.

 

From,

The Voice of The Past. 

 


	3. Innocence - Avril Lavigne

......

....Hello.

.....

Uh, I can't think of anything to say, really. Um, what _can_ I say? I don't really know. What would a child say to themselves...?

....

.....

Do you remember how it was before? I mean, way, way, waayy back. Like, barely a month old, I guess what I'm trying to say. And yet, that doesn't seem right either. It is so hard to remember things after your mind becomes so dislocated, can't tell what's real and what's fake.

Okay, how about we start with something simple. Do you remember the times you use to be so excited about creativity? And I mean, in general.

I remember the days; when you still lived with your father, how you would always be in the kitchen while he cooked, playing with your toys in the middle of the kitchen floor. I remember arts and crafts being your favorite part of school, because you loved to draw or paint. You have a powerful imagination. It didn't just stop with writing now, this goes all the way back when you use to look at the world with vivid colors and imaginary. It was like this was meant for you, like you were born to do. Your mother always said you got that spark from your father, and you can see why she said it.

Your dad, if you can remember correctly, loved to bake. And his desserts were always so good. Sometimes you helped, and he allowed you to lick the bowl. Now your older brother has his talent.

Your aunt does party decorations for events, of any kind. You remember recently, when asked, you use to help her out as well. And every time the place gets finished, you found yourself a little bit envious, because the place would always look beautiful. If given half the chance, if she's still around, you would love for her to do a masquerade ball for your birthday - or maybe your future kid's birthday. Who's to say your child won't grow up with the same taste as yours? The idea excites you, doesn't it?

Your cousin, the one who you use to hang out a lot with, draws. Or so you're lead to believe. You don't really know if she still draws, but if she did, you know they're probably beautiful. You're thinking about asking her right now, wanting to catch up on her art.

Your other cousin, sibling of the first, also likes to bake. You know she's been at it for a while, and you even seen some of her work whenever you decide to go out with your family. They're great too.

Yes, creativity just seems to ooze from your spores. You remember how you use to make homemade cards for your parents, specifically for your mother. She always loved them, and you felt glad about it because you worked so hard. And remember how happy you were when you worked on them? The ideas never stopped, just kept going and going, and it is just amazing how much stuff you've created at only what, 5? 6 years old? Wow. No, really, just...wow.

You know, I miss that. I really, really, miss that. I miss making things, designing things, coloring....the simple things. Writing is great, and I encourage you to keep doing it, but....every once and a while, can we just....draw? Go back to the glue and paste? And the glitter, and color printed papers and the markers, and drawing hearts with meaningful messages? Go back to vividly imagining things that you want on a scrap of paper, go back to making your mother smile, back to the original creativity.

This is all I ask of you. I want to color again, shower everything in glitter.

Let me be a child again.

 

From,

Your Inner Child.

 


	4. Hey Now, You're An All-Star - Smash Mouth

I think what your Inner Child meant to say is, Creativity played a _huge_ role of who you are now. And I'd agree, it really did play a big part of your life - but let's not forget another aspect of yourself that also played a role, which had started the whole roll into Creativity and reclusion in the first place.

Hi. Remember me? I was the one that use to be play outside often. It was one of your favorite past times.

Do you remember going outside and just....enjoying the weather? Like, just constantly being outside and playing with whoever you're playing with? I do. And I'll always remember, one of your favorite types of weather is mid-summer. Or maybe not. Usually, you like any day that's sunny, but not too sunny, and it was just perfect for playing in. I can recall the days where you use to chase your cousins around in your aunt's yard, playing with whatever was left in the yard to play with. Yes, those were the days.

The days where you weren't constantly shoved back into the house.

Do you remember Dodgeball? It was one of your favorite activities to play outdoors. You use to play it in school, and it was always fun running around, trying not to get hit. You didn't last very long, but you still had fun, didn't you?

Oh, oh! Let's not forget the playground! You _loved_ the playground! And one of the reasons why was because of the swing set? Even then, your imagination certainly was something. Any time you got on it, you always thought - just how high can I go? Can I reach the sky from here? And what if I fall off if I go too high? And yet, that thought never stopped you from trying your best to swing high. I remember the feelings quite well, too.

It was exhilarating.

Thinking back, I'd like to think you were some kind of adrenaline junkie. How else would that explain your desires to go rock climbing or sky diving? Sure, maybe not to the extreme like some people, but you always did love a good thrill. It was always there.

And yet, it seemed to have died out as quick as it came.

Do you ever wonder why that is? Scratch that, I know you do. You just don't want to admit it. Although, I can't really blame you  _entirely_ as there were other influences too. Still, unlike Inner Child, I'm not gonna sit here and pretend to be friends with you.

You've abandon us. You've ignored us. And now you want us back.

If I was any other person, I would've said no. If I was any other person, I would've told you to get bent. The me before the Creativity died an early death, and do you know why? Tsh. I'm not going to explain it to you - I'll let _her_ do all of that. Like I said, the fault of my death isn't just you - it's everyone else around you, and especially the ones who are closest to you.

Keeping my time short, because all I have to give is memories of what could've been. You could've been outside, right now, enjoying the sunlight. You could've gotten your driver's license and gone anywhere in this stinking town. You could've been enjoying life, with all its risk and danger, instead of worrying about it.

Yeah, you could've been me.

But you aren't.

Later.

 

From,

The Girl Who Could've been.

   


	5. Close To The Edge - 30 seconds to Mars

WOW, four chapters in and already you're on that passive aggressive high. Not that I don't blame you; years of self-loathing, bitter resentment, and a dash of antisocial has left you in a weird, mangled, state, mentally. It was only a matter of time before poisonous words started to slip through the tongue.

And isn't that the real reason why you're writing this?

Tell me, why did it take so long to write my chapter? I was here, you know. I already had the words to say to you. But a week and a half, and no update - even though you said you would update as much as you can. What's the deal? Wait, I'm getting angry, and that's not my role here. Actually, I don't know my role. Can you tell me? No, of course not. You don't know either.

......

Hey, remember when you use to have a friend? Those were fun times, weren't they? Your first friend, do you remember him? I remember. His name was Darius. He was the younger brother of your sister's friend, and they use to live down the block from your grandmother's house when you were still living with her. Do you remember the fun times you two had? Nah. I don't really expect you to remember anything from that time. Oh, wait, there was that one memory.....

You, your sister, your sister's friend, and him were all going to the corner store, do you remember that? And afterwards, you two decided to race home, only to stop short when something flew into his ear. It terrified you, didn't it? And then, you listen to some grown ass men mocking him when he complained, do you remember how you felt about that?

You were angry.

You wanted to hurt them.

Of course you didn't. You were really small, so, there wasn't a whole lot you can do about that. But it never left your mind of how disgusting humans can be, to laugh at another person's pain. What gives them the right? What makes them think it's okay to laugh and mock at someone who's been hurt? And sure, maybe it wasn't that big of a deal - still. Your friend was clearly in distress, your sister's friend had to take him home so he could get help, and these..... _assholes_ have the nerve to laugh at him. This wasn't the first time you've been angry, not by a long shot, but it DID hold sentiment and concrete evidence of what you're all about.

You're protective.

Maybe you've never noticed it, or cared to acknowledge it until now, but you were always so protective when you were younger. Maybe that's why you wanted to be a police officer. Not only did you have the need to help, but you also had the need to protect those you cared about. This trait has followed you since I can remember, and only until now did it truly blossom. But make no mistake - this anger is NOT the same anger as you have now. Now, you're just really short-tempered, and can go off on a fly, because ironically, it was THIS anger that got you where you are now.

I know this is all so confusing to you, so let me explain this the best way I can.

What you've felt during that time wasn't because someone had annoyed you, or you didn't want to deal with them because you thought they were loud and obnoxious. No, that anger was built PURELY because someone had done something TO someone else - someone you were close to. You were defending your friend. And now that I've said that, do you remember all the times you've felt that way about your own family? Of course you do.

You did it with your mother.

You did it with your sister.

You did it with your cousin.

You did it with your ex-boyfriend.

And even now, in your recent memory, you were protective with your second youngest brother. And then the dreams you had, that were played off by this anger, when you got into fights all because the people in your dreams couldn't keep their mouth shut about your family.

Heh. You really are your father's daughter. And I don't think it's a coincidence that both of you were born under the Zodiac sign, Cancer.

Maybe that's why you wanted to take on boxing. You should still do that, you know? Since you already have the bag, you should consider finding the gloves so you can work out all that possessive-protective anger you've kept inside you. It's a good way to release that pent up frustration.

And it's also a good way to keep you from going to jail for second degree homicide.

Just...something to consider.

 

 

From,

Overprotective Self.

 

  


	6. Intermission

Hi again. It's me, the Voice Inside Your Heart. I've noticed you're getting sad again. I just wanted to say it's okay to feel sad, but please don't stay there for too long. When you're sad, you'll cry, and when you cry, the voices in your head starts talking, and not in a good way. I know we have a lot of ground to cover, and I know your memories aren't the best, but please, please, try to stay strong. Retracing your steps isn't easy, and I know there are some things you want to forget, but we have to do this. You want to get better, don't you?

And, just so you know, whenever you feel sad when you're talking about the past, or you feel overwhelm with emotions as you type this, you can always let me talk. We'll have an intermission, as this chapter is so cleverly titled (not sarcasm). You can take a break, and write out what you're feeling currently, and maybe help take the pressure off of you? Just, whatever you do, don't give up on this. You're doing great, and I really want you to take the advice that's been offered to you by the others.

You feel the need to draw? Draw. Got some anger issues you want to work out, but unable to talk about it because you can't find the right words? That's what the punching bag is for.

Or if none of these things are working, like I said, you can always talk to me. I'll be your cheerleader, cheering you on as you type. I just...don't want you to feel burnt out on this. That's been your biggest problem, and the reason for inconsistency; you get burnt out too easily, doing too many things, and having too many ideas. Just take a step back, relax, and breathe. We'll be here when you need to escape.

I love you.

 

From,

The Voice Inside Your Heart. (Pink)


	7. Current Time

Heeeeey. It's been too long, friend! I'm glad you started to write in this again. Though, why are you still up at 3 AM is beyond me.

......

I guess it's my fault, I suppose. Hey, don't use that tone with me! You were suppose to be writing this _ages ago!_ It's not my fault you keep getting sidetrack. Anyway, why are we here again? Oh, right. Cause I wanted to talk to you. You can see by the change of tone that I'm feeling much better, but we still need to talk.

.....

......

......

Honestly, I forgot what I wanted to say. Oh, wait, I know! I wanted to know how you've been. You haven't been writing in this like you said you would, but I guess I can let that slide, since something else caught your focus. Like boxing. How's that coming by the way? Still haven't found your gloves? That's a shame. But, you're still using the bag, just using your bare knuckles. OUCH! That must hurt, doesn't it? And you've been looking at boxing techniques all over the internet. I couldn't help but notice how your eyes shine when you saw Mike Tyson's fights, though. Don't be getting any ideas, rookie, you're still an amateur, and you're definitely not ready to be on his level. Still, watching him sparked a fire in you, didn't it? Of course it did. He was one of the greatest boxers to live, next to Ali. There's plenty more like them, but you're stuck on Tyson. The way he fights interest you, and you want to learn it. I can't really say I didn't see that coming, but you know what I think? I think you should learn how to take a hit first. The only punch you've gotten so far in life, was a punch to the face, and that didn't count because that was an accident.

I also wanted to talk to you about that other story: Me and Mind. I'm glad you decided to let us talk through our own words without the others getting in the way. I know Mind's been quiet for a good while, but when she starts talking again, you should write down what she says. I'd like to hear from her, since she and I haven't been arguing lately. 

....

......

God, it's so hard to keep a conversation going, and it's worse since you've just been laying in bed, trying to sleep, and I....I wanted to talk about the other sides of you. The anger, the frustration, the hopeless romantic, the instigator, the hope you had, the dreams you wanted, and the biggest part of you - your fears. This is what you've written this for, and I have so many words to say about them, and now they're all gone. Guess that's what being restless and unable to sleep will do to you. But, we can talk again. Tomorrow, maybe? You're not doing anything, and, it'll be nice to get all of this out in the air, and maybe, just maybe, you can live a more happier life.

Good night, and uh, make sure you don't hurt yourself boxing.

 

From,

Your Heart.  

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to listen to the titled music as I write, they are what usually inspired each chapter.


End file.
